Two Boat Accidents in One Day

Dave and Merry have a story to tell. It’s about a day when all we wanted to do was feel like sailors, and it just didn’t work.

[Preparing to float down the Provo River]

D: Uh, I don’t think our raft has enough air in it yet.

M: Oh, we’ll be fine. I can’t wait to get in the water.

D: Okay, let’s put it in the river.

M. Wow, these paddles aren’t really long enough to steer the boat!

D: They’ll be fine, let’s just focus on the bridge ahead.

M: We should be steering towards the middle of the bridge, away from those monster-looking bolts!

D: Paddle, paddle, paddle!

M: Augh!!!!

[Pop!!]

D: Well, that’s the end of that.

M: At least we were only in the water for 30 seconds. We can walk back to our car quite easily.

[A few hours later]

D: My dad bought a new sail boat. Let’s try again, and take IT out on the water.

M: Are you sure we should push our luck?

D: Oh, come on!

M: Okay!

[Down at the Utah Lake marina]

M: Wow, look at all of those sailboats! Which one is your dad’s?

D: That’s a good question. I’ve never been on it before.

[Finally in the boat]

D: This motor will not start.

M: Can’t we just sail it out?

D: Not out of the marina, you crazy! I finally got it started.

M: That boat’s coming towards us awful fast!

D: Yeah, we don’t want the wake to push us into these rocks. Turn the motor up a little.

M: The motor just died!

D: Oh [bleep!]!! We’re on the rocks.

[Splash!]

M: I can’t get the motor started again!

D: Well I’m in the water keeping us off the rocks! You have to do it!

[After the motor has started and the boat is finally off the rocks again]

Harbor Police: Ma’am, you’re going to have to help him back into the boat.

D: I can’t get back in the boat. You’re just going to have to go on without me.

M: Dave, you get yourself back in this boat right this minute!

[With Dave back in the boat]

M: Well, let’s take her back into the marina and call it a day.

D: That would be easier if the rudder wasn’t broken!

M: Well, you’re doing a pretty good job steering with the outboard motor.

D: But every time I get it to idle slow enough so that we can get into the slip, the engine dies.

M: We’re just going to have to swim it in. Here grab onto this rope and jump in.

D: It’s a good thing we were wearing our life jackets!

The events you have just read are true. They took place on Pioneer Day 2010. Names of individuals have been changed to protect their identities.