Friday, October 23, 2009

Meet BYU's Newest Librarian...

Over Fall Break (Def. for those of you who don't attend a state school: a week off from school for no particular reason) I spent a couple of days at BYU, my alma mater, composing a brief and doing other school work. One morning as I sat poring over cases Merry called me and asked if I wanted a dounut. I obviously said yes so she brought the dounut to me at the front door of the library. We chatted for a few minutes while I munched on the superbly delicious dounut.As I walked back into the library I heard someone say, "excuse me sir," but since they said sir I assumed they weren't talking to me. As I continued walking I heard again, this time in a voice loud enough to rouse all sirs, dead, living, young, or old (and probably some ma'ams as well), "EXCUSE ME SIR!!!" At this point there were at least a hundred people going in or out of the library and we all stopped, mainly to see who had a gun and where we should run.

Much to my shock the voice belonged to the BYU library hall monitor guy and he was pointing at me! I realized that he thought my half eaten doughnut was a gun!

I very slowly started to back up, not making any sudden movements lest he beat me with...okay I am not really sure if those guys have anything with which they could beat a person, but I wasn't taking any chances. I decided to take a slow bite to let him know that I had a pastry in my hand and not a dangerous weapon. "Sir," he said with a voice less likely to engage panic circuits in citizenry across three continents, "you can't have food in the library."

That was it!?! Fifteen years frightened off my life for that!? The crowd, obviously relieved that nuclear holocaust was apparently not imminent moved back to life while I shakily took the last bite of my dounut. At the time I was shocked at the trouble the poor kid took over two bites of pastry; however, I soon realized that he was really...

CONAN THE LIBRARIAN disguised as a puny BYU hall montior lest the students be frightened away.

From now on we're making sure not to return any books late because one never knows what might happen.


  1. Gah, it's true!!! Even in the study rooms, we used to sneak our juice out of our bags to have a quick sip when we thought no one was looking. We didn't spill any, or touch the books before making sure our hands were dry, we promise!

  2. Yeah, there's no jokin' with the BYU Library. I got called in to erase all the pencil markings I put in a book once. They had to sit and watch me erase it all...